That's it!

At this time, triage area is a dead zone, and I am not doing anything for the last 8 minutes....so I will just update my blog about something that I've promised my husband.

Few days ago, I asked my hubby in a trivia manner, on who sang that filipino song playing on his IPOD. His answer was, I really dont care who's singing that or this song, all I care is that it is pleasant to my ears and it is in my IPOD. I dont want to be like you who idolize the singer. Whatever he said, hits me real hard. Here I am, like a crazy fool, fidgeting over someone....crazy over him and a rabid fan in some sort of ways (reading forums, getting into the details, but never been in a fight....as of yet...over a singer not IP grabbing). So, as I promised, I am not to waste any of my precious time, never again will I ever go to forums, chatboards of anykind about my favorite band. I will just listen to their songs or albums. And that's a period!

YEP! I've noticed that AP was holding his back as if he was hurting at DFW Concert. I noted it at least 3 times. I just want to mention.

Shout/Vent Out

I will keep you posted on the catch up that I have to recall, but for the meantime, I have to do my shout out....sorta vent too.
First off....I don't reveal my identity over the internet for the sake of ....well....some people are kwaaaaaaaayzeeee!!! I had few bad incidents in the past, and back in the old old AOL 1994 days.....I have heard chatters killed by another chatter because of "just being rowdy in a chat room". #2~ a lot of lurkers in the webworld that would steal your identity....heck....I was even accused of one today for " STEALING IP!" (Never heard that one before, promise it's my first to be falsely accused of unheard offense ever so yet! Calling snopes.com). Hay buhay! People are making me laugh. Newbies of the internet. The guy who was said to be well respected in some band forums fought for his dear keyboard life against me in a shout out box and my own people (of skin and color) believed him. I proved myself not guilty of some uncalled for piece of crap accusation. In other words...."PAK DAT SHET!" Yun lang.
Whewwww....I felt better now that I just farted all over my blog.
My Big praise to my favorite bloggers:
I salute Brian Gorell for his AUDACIOUS blog. SALUTE!!!
I've read Kitty Go funny book called "When Chic Hits the fan," Awesome....although I have no idea of some people she had mentioned in her book, I googled them out.
And to my blog friend (which she doesn't know yet), Ms Vagabond, you are so absolutely delightful. I've learned a lot from you, specially the avoidance of the loons (and boy i can easily get killed from the crossfires). We will be in touch. I always look forward for your email, and hopefully....to meeting you someday in DFDUH.

Catching up session 101 circa Spring '07

OMG! This is awfully hard. Can't believe that I have a lot of catching up to do. So, I guess I have to do this in several parts. March of '07 when JP moved in with me. Gone are my ear days. My cerebrum is doing it's funny work out in that entire month. We made plans of getting married, and It scares the shit out of me. I am so prone to relationship failure. I was afraid that it'll go wrong (again!!!)and I would end up having another rendevouz with happy pills. I notified my closest friends and some kababayan that we are planning to have a simple wedding somewhere in Decatur, TX on April. Then, we kinda change our mind that we will do it in a hush hush way via VIVA LAS VEGAS STYLE. But then....I don't want a speedy melancholic wedding. I want a simple memory-filled-last a lifetime nup that will last even if I develop an alzheimer memory path. And so it happened. I called up my friend/neighbor (a couple whom I worked with) the day before and told them to meet us up in Arlington. At exactly 10 am, the day of our Lord, 23rd of March 2007, me & JP held our hands together, and in front of the Justice of Peace of Arlington Linda Davis, we said our vows. Unbelievably, she kept the entire ceremony solemn and intimate. JP and I were shaking and teary-eyed. (Literally, I felt my hands were submerged in a freezing water). Even the only couple that we invited to witness our special event were grinning and teary at the same time. After the ceremony, pictures had been taken and we had a memorable lunch at Macaroni Grill with our friends. Today, 1 ½ years later, I still experience that "flutter-fib" excited feeling. It is the same feeling that you felt the first day that you have a date with your biggest crush in the entire world. And everytime I would look at him, I am still awed in disbelief.

"Truly in our lives, the awful events that we have come to experience, is purely a path leading to a more blessed life thereafter". ~MCC~

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Bee!

Well hello there!!!! Whewww! Good to be back....how long has it been? Over 1 year! Whoaaa!
I've been busy. Actually, I started and continued blogging under friendster website and got stuck there, and couldn't figure out what my email and password I've used in this blog. Enihoo, I am so back and will update you on what is going on with mah so called life!

HAH!

How long has it been??
I wonder if there are some people who still follow my journal.
I was successful in dealing with the holidays and my own birthday by not logging in, and census is still up. How has it been??
Well, as usual a workaholic like me ends up working 2 major holidays. But I went home to the Philippines right after my Christmas shift. I just went home to shower (packed up na ang gamit ko), and my co-worker picked me up and dropped me off at the airport. I got there on time for our 25th year High school reunion. I had a blast. I ate too much on New Year’s Eve and day. The only thing that sucks….I have to go back to U.S. before my birthday. And of course, I have to work, and start my orientation at MMMC.
Busy, busy, busy.
Ha! No love life matter here. Too much information. For now, I’ll keep it away from your probing eyes.
I’ll keep this page boring. I will post my special event around April.

piece of advice....

are the very reason why some people have ruined their relationship.Sa dikta ng ibang tao tumatakbo ang desisyon nila sa buhay.
There's a story about a person who took all the effort he can find to get the opinion of all the rest, but never spoke to the person that was involved and he was concern about.In short, everything went down the drain.
What I've learned from a very helpful source, na kahit anong mangyaring altercation between two people....walang hihingi ng saklolo sa labas. Things will be settled without the opinion of others.So nangyayari, walang nakikialam, walang me disgusto, walang nag mi misjudge ng bawat isa, and so far it actually works.
Well, lapit na naman thanksgiving. I was reading my co-worker son's book (a pre K student) and was asked about what they are thankful for. They have funny, simple and oh so emotionally undeveloped anecdotes.
So what am I thankful for?
I am thankful that I have no regrets in life.
That's it pansit!

Treat...but then I guess I was tricked!

I was supposed to be singing this....."I'll be home for christmas....you can count on me." Someone asked me if I am excited about my upcoming vacation. I was....not anymore. Too many things is going on right now...toooooo much of a headache.
But I'll be there....

I'm tired...seriously tired. Tonight will be my 11th day of work. a day off and another stretch and another 16 days stretch. Kakatuwa. I've taken myself off from my antidepressant, so I have to compensate, meaning, I have to get my mind set to something. Less than 2 months na lang pala. Whew!

Bukas na pala ang Haloween...makapag trick or treat nga sa kapitbahay ko! Me handa daw eh....feeding frenzy na naman ako!

Holiday plans

Somewhere down the memory lane, I remembered about the STATE FAIR. Was excited to see it, but was unable to go....another STATE FAIR will come and go....pero....kakawalang ganang pumunta, but definitely I will be there...next year.

Ahhh....gloomy day...bed weather day...decisions....decisions...should i get that OT tonite or stay in bed and keep my bed warm and toasty. I am saturated with what's going on sa werk anyway. Honestly I just had it.

Decisions, decisions.....where should I spend my haloween. hee hee hee.... as long as I will get my share of my favorite sweets!

Thanksgiving....don't care about turkey....I am sure there will be plenty of it sa ER lounge room, I will just make sure i bring plenty of hawaiian sweet bread.

Christmas, I will be working....no christmas decor sa bahay.....as what I've promised to myself....in pursuit of true happines....until i find that right person,
there will be no christmas celebration.

Then...New Year....another year up ahead of me....I want to celebrate it...with that special someone....

ok...maga na paa ko...pagod na ako...haven't realized im doing looooong stretch of work....my ankles are swollen....

imma rest now....and watch "My Best Friend's Wedding!"

"Courage! I have shown it for years; think you I shall lose it
at the moment when my sufferings are to end?"
Marie Antoinette

Jagged Little Pill

Webeeeee me. I am now trying to keep up with the world. I've been diagnosed with depression recently and my MD put me on this little pill that all it does is to make me sleep. Sleep like I haven't slept for ages. Funny how I can be motivated. There was a day at work that I was so smashed that I have to go home early, afraid that I am going to sleep on my way home. Imagine the drive. Well as soon as I hit home, I just took my work clothes and just crash right away. Slept before 7am and woke up at 6pm then go back to work again and still smashed. As the days goes by, I lost my mood swings, I am hearing better, my understanding to the whole scenario is way much better, and my headaches and back pains are all gone. I still sleep like a log, but oh my gawd.....what a wonderful pill it is. I've mentioned my depression before to my ex's but nobody listened to me. I never knew.....that I've been on denial, and struggling to keep up with the world.
Anyhoot, things are getting better nowadays. I am still in love. How can you not fall in love with this little wootsies
.....they've grown so fast....just couldn't keep up. They love siopao, coke and pandesal. hee hee hee hee. On weekend, treat is ice cream.


Now you tell me, how can you be depressed with this lovable cuddly one?

Estrange

Just over a little a month ago,I've told my co-worker that I was feeling goofy, like someone had spiked up my drink. Unbelievably, I was holding on my BP> 212/102, and continuously worked that shift ( I am a little bit suicidal!). The physician then gave me a script for hypertension until I get to see a primary care. Everyday of my life since then on, was an ordeal. I am the type of person who works in a health care system but does not want to be a client. In other words, a very non compliant hard headed bitch. Finally, after a month, I had the guts to go to a certain Doctor in Arlington,who prescribed to double the dose of my current medicine. I guess I was so highly anxious about all the crap that he is going to find, that I shot my BP off the roof. Trusting doctors are not an easy one for me. Sometimes, I just wish I could die instantly rather than a slow painful one such as stroke and or renal failure. Just a whole lot of things had gone thru my mind.
Still a little bit on denial on my depression but I'm coping. I've learned to approach life by laughing outside, and still hurting somewhere. Suppression had been my game.
My wish...if God can hear or read this....what is Your game plan for me? I wish I knew...because honestly, I'm just so ready to give up.


Today is my mom's 76th birthday (2nd birthday after her death). How I just wish she's here. Probably somewhere, she hears my cries and all the pain I'm going through. I'm sure she's saying....hang in there.... YOU CAN DO IT.

Shhhhhhh

For several weeks now, I've been holding my thoughts on what I should write in my blog. I've been putting all the drafts in mswords then been erasing it, then again, recalling them on my mind.
I am happy that I've been trying to keep my life busy by getting sick and at the same time updating myself for the upcoming HS grand reunion. I've already spoken to one of my classmates, and he made me laugh by describing me " the quiet and who doesn't know how to speak" classmate. He still calls me by my last name. Can't wait to get home again....see familiar faces, recalling the good ol` high school life.
And as for the thoughts that has been nagging my brain for several weeks now.....pushing it aside is better than blurting it out here.

Hybernating

I was busy talking about myself and what I wanted to say....so here I am...
hybernating.

I am tired of my pathological critic.

Bridges of Madison County

...and that just brings back the memory. The movie that caused so much pain in my heart.
Robert...alam mo ba ang tinatawag na "tortured sense of divided loyalties? Yan ang nararamdaman ni Francesca.
natatandaan mo ba ang linyang ito:
Francesca: "I want to keep it forever. I want to love you the way I do now the rest of my life. Don't you understand... we'll lose it if we leave. I can't make an entire life disappear to start a new one. All I can do is try to hold onto to both. Help me. Help me not lose loving you."
Di ba nakakabaliw. Matagal nya itong pinanghahawakan...sa pag aakalang mawawala ito ng kusa. Subalit, sa haba ng panahon at sa muling pag uusap nila, naroroon pa rin ang nararamdaman nilang kapwa sa isa't isa.
Hindi ko lang alam, kung ang nararamdaman ni Francesca ay alam ni Robert. Napakahirap isipin. Nag e exist nga ba talaga ang ganito?? Kung mababasa mo to....comment ka nga pls!

remember this song...your last song for Francesca
HIDING INSIDE MYSELF

I've been so alone all my life
I couldn't give my heart to anyone
Hiding in myself was a man
Who needed to be held like everyone

The days moved into years
I look for warmth between the tears
It never ever found me
Never ever found me
Yes, I did seem to grasp at straws
They surely broke all the time

So I hid inside
(Till) I almost died
Yes I hid inside and I cried
A loving heart in a sensitive man
Hiding inside myself

Then you came out of nowhere
I could not believe my heart
I didn't know how to tell you
Didn't know where to start
I know you understand

When I hid inside
I almost died
Oh, I hid inside and I cried
A loving heart in a sensitive man
I know you'll understand



"True love is possible, even in the scope of a life of compromise, and in the middle of nowhere, on the far side of any age..."

The Big July Move

Finally....
I eased my way to the new pad. My own little place. Bringing me a new life, new beginning and whoooaaaa...... "single." ;p
For few more days, I will be leaving the good `ol house. Since the big ugly news was dropped on my face, I was never comfortable living here. I just wanted to pack up and leave right away if I could...pero eto na, sa wakas, makakalipat na rin.
Wag na lang tatanungin kung ano ang nasa loob ng utak at puso ko. They're still not coordinated. hahahahahahha

MY big take after all this stuff that's happening in my life....I finally don't rebel against Him anymore. Wala akong panalo talaga. It may sound like "stereotype" pero I've been asking for His guidance. As I open the bible, maganda ang rhema na binibigay nya sa akin....and it's a good relief.
If this is a big lesson for both of us to learn, then I've learned a lot...the hard way.
Psalms 71

Dear Marthony,

I'm finally closing the final chapter of our book...



i've finally found my closure.

(edited on july 17, 2006~ some words had been erased by this blogger.)

Beh

I'm just wondering how much you have to put up with me.....
your patience is up to the roof...and it is just so unbelievable.
I know I didn't made a mistake this time.
This is it.....this is The End!

I know you've heard this several times from me....but I still need to let you know how much I Love You....& always been grateful for your love without boundaries!

June Bug

Gone away is the booger.....I've waited up to this time to write about my days in June. I feel blessed. Too many things had happened to me in the past few weeks.....I am so ready for a brand new life.
Meanwhile, in my work world....ahhh basta lang....tuwa lang ako...kahit na threat na akong I fire out for not getting my ethics, yearly eval, and kung anu-ano pa. But everything is still ok. Someone up there is always on my side.
Another thing is that I can't get off to my usual weight. I wanted to look and feel good. I've shared this dilemma to Ipe...he said he already deliberately gained himself some weight, "para pag andyan na ako, hindi ka na maiilang, pareho na tayo, sama tayo mag exercise at mag walk, hindi ka nag iisa." My heart just melted away. I pinched myself thinking I was just dreaming, I guess I wasn't.



"Real love, I've learned, is a very, very strong form of forgiveness. I don't think people yearn for love because they hate staying home alone on a saturday night or because they dread going to restaurants alone. People want love because they want their taped-together glasses or ten extra pounds to be forgiven. They want someone to look past the surface of stuff like bad hair days, a too-loud laugh or potato chips crunching in their living-room couch when anyone sits down."

Asa ka pa!

Para sa mga taong nanliligaw, nagbabalak manligaw,
nililigawan, naliligaw, nag-iintay maligawan at nagbabalak
lumagay sa magulo..........
Ang love ay hindi minamadali... hindi pinipilit..at lalong hindi
kina-career...
Aray ko.
unang-una...
PAANO MO BA NASABING MAHAL MO NA SIYA???...
dahil ba natutuwa ka sa kanya???...
o kaya naman naaaliw ka???...
naswee-sweetan ka ba ng sobra sa kanya???...
kinikilig ka ba pag nakikita mo siya???...
at nahi-high kapag naririnig mo na ang boses niya???...
eh teka muna...
baka naman infatuated ka lang....
o kaya naman kagaya nga ng sagot mo...
BAKA naaaliw ka lang...
dahil kakaiba siya...
may spark na hindi mo maintindihan...
tsk!!!...
ang saklap nyan!...
pangalawa...
GAANO MO NA BA SIYA KAKILALA???...
madali ba siyang mapikon???...
pano ba siya mabadtrip???...
madali bang mahalata na may topak siya???...
ano bang suot niya pag nasa bahay siya???...
shorts ba o pantalon???...
nakasando ba siya o naka-t-shirt lang???...
matagal ba siyang maligo???....
kumakain ba siya ng vegetables???...
tamad ba siya???...
mas gusto ba niyang manood ng tv kaysa magbasa ng
libro???...
nagpe-play station ba siya???... tatlo ba ang pamangkin
niyang lalaki???...
makukulit ba yung mga kamag-anak niya???...
green ba ang kulay ng gate ng bahay nila???...
sa village ba siya nakatira???...
may sakayan ba ng jeep na malapit sa kanila???...
nagsisimba ba siya linggo-linggo???...
kasama ba yung pamilya niya???...
at nagdadasal ba siya bago matulog???...
in short...
alam mo na nga ba???...
ang mga bagay-bagay...
ang mga simpleng bagay tungkol sa kanya...
na nagdedetermine ng sarili niya...
as in kung sino ba talaga SIYA...
pangatlo...
KAYA MO BA SIYANG TANGGAPIN???...
as in TANGGAPIN ng buong-buo...
sa lahat ng trip niya sa buhay...
sa lahat ng katopakan niya...
sa lahat ng pag-iinarte at pag-dadrama niya...
sa lahat ng kasalanang nagawa, ginawa, at gagawin pa lang
niya...
sa lahat ng naiisip niya... sa lahat ng sasabihin niya... sa kilos
niya...
sa pananamit pa pala niya... sa pagsasalita...
sa pananaw niya sa buhay... sa pagtrato niya sa
tao... sa lifestyle niya...
sa uri ng pamilyang meron siya...
sa uri ng kaibigang kasa-kasama niya...
sa style niya pagdating sa love... sa kasweetan niyang
natural...
sa paglalambing niya... sa tawa niyang pagkalakas-lakas... sa
manners niya...
sa bisyo niya kung meron man... sa mga pang-aasar niya
sayo...
sa style niya pagdating sa pagsolve ng problema...
sa problemang maaari ka ring masama...
pang-apat...
KAYA MO BANG MAGING TOTOO???...
kaya mo bang makita yung sarili mo...
na kasama pa rin siya ha...
sa isang sitwasyong pag naisip mo eh...
mapapaiyak ka na lang sa sakit...
nang dahil din sa kanya???...
kaya mo bang magmukhang tanga...
as in umiyak ng dahil sa kababawan...
ibuhos ang mga nararamdaman mo...
kahit na puro kababawan nga lang naman...
as in kahit sa harapan niya???...
kaya mo bang maging barubal pag kasama mo siya???...
yung tipo bang wala ka ng pakielam...
mawala man ang manners mo...
na wala ka naman talaga...
in short...
KAYA MO BANG MAGING IKAW KAPAG KASAMA MO NA
SIYA???...
yung tipong hindi ka nahihiyang ipakita kung sino ka talaga...
dahil alam mong...
HINDI MO LANG SIYA TANGGAP...
TANGGAP KA RIN NIYA...
BUONG-BUO RIN...
MGA TAO!!!...
tama na kasi ang trip...
tama na ang pagmamadali...
oo masarap ngang mainvolve sa isang tao...
pero diba mas masarap yun...
LALO NA KUNG ALAM MONG TOTOO YUNG
NARARAMDAMAN MO....
kaya dapat, hinde tayo nagpapabulag sa akala na ting
LOVE....
mag antay na lang tayo....
wag natin unahan....
for all we know, nde pa pala sila ang para sa atin......
...
pero pag nasagot mo lahat ng nasa taas....
baka nga mahal mo na siya....
*comment...oo nga mahal mo nga sya...eh ikaw..mahal ka ba
nun? SUS ASA KA
PA???!!!!
sarado pinto ko hmp!

You......

I love you because i know you're always there..there to catch me when i fall...there to listen when i need you, there when i feel alone. I love you because you understand me..you know how i feel even when i can't say it...you know i'm not as strong as i say and still you never let me know that i'm not fooling you. I love you because you make me believe, believe that i am not worthless...believe that i can be loved, am loved, and can love others. I love you because you know, you know i feel this way but can't say it and still you wait...letting me take my time to come to terms with the fact that i love you...would give my life up to be with you...and above all...never hurt you...lie to you...or leave you. Now i hope you understand.

Kay Tagal

Hirap matulog ng nag iisa. Palibhasa sinanay na natin ang bawat isa na magkasama palagi. Kakainis nga eh. Kahapon nagpagod tayo sa telebabad...magdamag nag kwentuhan, nag bolahan at nag hanap pa ng ibang makakausap. Di ba, hindi ka rin agad makatulog. Nawala ang antok ko sa dami ng mapapag usapan natin. Eh di napaaga ang pag higa mo ngayon dyan. Mag a alas otso pa lang ng umaga sa oras ko, imbes na nakikipag huntahan ka sa labas, bagsak na ang katawan mo sa "higaan ng pusa!" Natakot ka naman na gisingin ako, sa dahilang naaalala mong nasigawan kita noong minsan na ginising mo ako ng alanganin.
Bakit kaya sa tuwing oras ng pag gising natin, walang katapusang pag hahanap ng bawat isa ang nararamdaman natin? Kulang na talaga ang oras. Hindi ka ba nahihirapan sa pag hintay? Na nasasayang ang bawat oras natin na mag kahiwalay??
Napakatagal.......