........

Slowly everything sinked in.
I had a big outburst of crying spell while I was at work.....finally I realized that my mom is gone. I have no one to call home. I am now all by myself. I am going home again, but no one to go home to. I used to call her to talk about nothing. Mag papakwento lang ako ng kahit ano. Pupulot ng kung anu- anong chismis. She will no longer be there to listen to my grip, hear my cries, ease my pains, headaches, and be proud of my achievements in life. She will not be able to know now what's going on with some of her screwy family members (which is a good thing), that I have to deal with.
I dont know if my next trip will be my closure....
And just like other maki-nanay like me, my only wish for is...if I can only turn back the clock....to the time when I was still a young child.... I will not change a thing. If only for the second time around, feel her love, listen to the sermons, our long walks in Bel-Air, maramdaman uli ang "palo ng chinelas sa pwet" coz she doesnt want me to go to my friends house to attend a pool party, to see her happy face when I finished my college degree in USTE, when she visited me in US, and everytime I go home sa Silay.
I still think she just went to the market, and will be back again in a few.....
If ever, nanay....."I still like lumpiang sariwa from El Ideal for breakfast!"

And for my smarty ass cousin who insulted me by saying " Wa ay ka kabalo nga patay na si nanay mo," like I dont know what's going on.....the only thing that I can say is, which I have failed to tell you.....


"PUTANG INA MO!!!!