Life in the....

These are the RULES that I would like to say and love to follow, but in actual form, it can never happen.( I really want to say it, but I still have the chance to bite my tongue and not make any kind of sound!). This is my life in the(funny world of) ER. Hopefully, I will not be googled by my co-workers (yer right) better yet, my bosses!
Here it goes:

1. If you (are sick)disagree about the treatments you received in ER because it doesn't correlate on to what you have read on the internet, please don't come in and harass us. I will let your computer do the work and the "net" treat you. Oh yeah! More power to you too.
2. If you come to ER by ambulance, you are going to find a way how to get home after you are released. We don't give out cab voucher (BTW, I really love your big expensive COACH bag!).
3.We don't do pre-op work up just because you live around the corner, and you're going to have your surgery in Middle of nowhere Dallas.
4.We haven't used nurses cap for the last 2½ decades(Did you just got home from Venus??).
5. Please give your child Tylenol or Motrin if they have a fever. I don't need a proof that they're on fire. Have you seen a child having febrile seizure?
6. The last time I checked the word Emergency Department, it is not spelled the same manner as Burger King....therefore, there is no such thing as "Have it your Way" treatment here!
7. Please don't come in to ER because you just saw in the news about Cryptosporidium in the public pool."No mam, you don't have it. You dont get those bugs by just watching tv!"
8. I don't have your old chart in front of me, so you have to tell me (everything)all your medical history even if you come in for sore throat for 1 week.
9. Please don't call asking me if a blood pressure of 169/101 is high and you've been none compliant to your medication for over 4 weeks. First off, I don't answer to medical questions and give treatments and diagnosis over the telephone. Second, I am a very honest person. I will tell you to wait for another 4 weeks and you will know the answer to your question.
10. DO NOT...I REPEAT, do not drink Dr Pepper in front of me while you're complaining that you have a belly pain. Same goes with smokers who comes in complaining that they can't breathe. When I'm ready to take you to your room, Don't request to go out first for the last puff! Ohh Em Gee!
11. Please don't tell me that you are good buddies with Dr. Ek Ek & Atty. Plok Plok, or you're a nurse. It will not in any other way, change the course of treatment. thank you very much!
12. ER is not a drop off center of your old folks during HOLIDAY SEASON!
13. No sireebob! WE never refill narcotic medications.
14. ER is not congruent to OB clinics at wee hours, play off season, and SUPERBOWL Sunday! Sorry, but we don't play pitty party here.
15. Don't threatened me that I have only 1 chance to start an IV to your infant who had been vomiting all day, and that you are a paramedic. I consider myself the best IV nurse,I can find vein even on active pediatric code with almost no circulation, so when you threatened me like an arse on fire, I will find you another nurse to poke your child.
16. YOU WHAT??? You didn't know you're pregnant. Mam, your child's head is crowning.
17. I will not allow you to pay $350 for a pregnancy test. Go to Walmart.
18. PEOPLE...this is not DMV where you have to get a ticket number in order for us to treat you. This is a place where we see people based on the severity of their medical problem. I am sorry, PAIN is not an emergency. It is a symptom.

There are still a lot of rules that I want to remind myself of, but as the shift ends, I have to stop. It is now time for me to go home, and leave this rules behind. Besides, It is only applicable to the chosen few!

"Let me remind you that my work is to nurse you back to your health, and not to be your personal servant!And by the way, I don't care about press F#@*@$ ganey. All I care is that you're walking out of the ER with steady gait, and pissed off, but the truth shall remain. THAT I MADE YOU FEEL BETTER!" ~mcc


side note: When I was admitted in the ER for right upper quadrant pain, my husband noticed that the bedside cart is full of supplies and linens. In fact, it was the very same room that they've used when I was admitted there not to long ago for severe allergic reaction. He said, "they never used this room (pause) ever, huh. Look at this supplies in this cart, they're well stashed and never been touched."
And while I am in and out of my sharp stabbing pain on my side (coz I don't want any pain medicine), this is my response, "beh, you know when your wife and all the night shift elves work, they do a little magic trick, part of it is to make sure that all the carts in each and every room is fully replenished. And yes, we do use this room a lot too!"